Holy Roman Empire

From Heterodontosaurus Balls

The Holy Roman Empire (HRE), also known as the Holy Roman Empire of the German Nation after 1512, was a polity in Central and Western Europe, usually headed by the Holy Roman Emperor. He lasted for about a thousand years. He claims to be the legal successor to the Roman Empire.

A common joke is that the Holy Roman Empire was not in fact, holy, Roman, nor an empire. Not holy refers to how HRE was not unified by religion in his middle-latter days, and was not solely Catholic and accepted Protestantism, which was seen as a heresy by Catholics. Not Roman refers to how HRE is actually Germanic, nowhere close of being Roman. Not an empire refers to how an Empire is, at least in principle, a singular state. The HRE was a series of independent princedoms that existed as a loose confederation, and the title of Emperor itself was an elected position, rather unusual for an Empire. These princedoms were governed by kings, dukes, counts, bishops, abbots and a bunch of other kinds of rulers, who were collectively known as princes.

History

On 25 December 800, Pope Leo III crowned Frankish King Charlemagne as "Roman emperor", reviving the title in Western Europe for the first time since the fall of the ancient Western Roman Empire in 476.

When Charlemagne died in 814, the Frankish Empire was eventually passed to his grandsons and was divided into three separate realms by the Treaty of Verdun in 843: West Francia, Middle Francia ( Lotharingia) and East Francia. Over at the German side, all the royal family died and the people needed a new king, so the nobles choose one. So, a pattern emerges: the German nobility give the new king some rules: first, nobility and lords and stuff isn't just a job anymore, it's now a title, with land attached, which goes from father to son, no matter what the king says. Second, a king has to be elected by the nobles. That means every single king has to renegotiate the rules. So, in England and France, the monarchy is gaining power after each generation, while it's the opposite for Germany.

In 962, Otto I was crowned emperor by Pope John XII. He wants to end the situation of all the independent lands, and he wants to hire someone that rules over them that he can freely fire. But no matter who he gives the lands to, they're going to flip out if they can't give it to their son, and all the nobles will rise against the emperor. But what if he could give the lands to somebody that are permanently celibate and are well-educated enough to run a kingdom? So, Otto began to hire bishops as his underlings. So when they die, all their land goes back to Otto and Otto can choose any member of the clergy to replace them. But, the bishops not only listen to the emperor, they also listen to: the pope. The pope at that point is just controlled by whoever's most powerful. Otto IS the most powerful and the pope dies, and Otto selects a pope that he can control.

During the 11th and 12th centuries, Western Europe was rocked by the Investiture Controversy (in which two sides debated over whether the Pope or the Emperor gets to appoint bishops), and the Holy Roman Emperor Henry IV journeyed to Canossa Castle in 1077, this was known as the infamous "Road to Canossa". It was a major loss and humiliation for imperial authority, as Henry IV had to stand barefoot in the snow for three days just to get Pope Gregory VII to lift his excommunication.

The HRE played a huge role in the Crusading craze of the Middle Ages. He joined up for the Second Crusade in 1147, though honestly, it didn’t go great, and the crusader armies got wrecked in Anatolia.

Moving into the 12th and 13th centuries, the HRE was ruled by the powerful Hohenstaufen Dynasty, with emperors like Frederick I Barbarossa, who tried to flex on the Italian city-states and the Pope but kept getting smacked down by both. Frederick drowned in a river during the Third Crusade in 1190.

In 1532, Holy Roman Empire makes sodomy punishable by death.

At the Battle of Vienna (1683), the Army of the Holy Roman Empire, led by the Polish king John III Sobieski, decisively defeated a large Turkish army, stopping the western Ottoman advance and leading to the eventual dismemberment of the Ottoman Empire in Europe. The army was one third forces of the Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth and two thirds forces of the Holy Roman Empire.

The HRE joined in the first and second coalitions against Napoleon. The HRE ended in 1806, when France came and shattered his already broken self into pieces.

Relationships

Friends

Frenemies

  • Prussia - You grew up under my roof, so don't always act like you're better than me.

Enemies

  • Papal States - YOU DAMN POPE, I AM THE HEAD OF THE CHURCH NOT YOU! YOU DARE CALL MY EMPEROR ZE ANTICHRIST?! ANCHLUSS POPE! ANTIPOPES ARE ZE BEST!!! I'M A HUNDRED TIMES BIGGER THAN YOU, YOU CAN9T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!
  • First French Empire - HOW AND WAI YUO KILL ME!?!? WAI YOU CHOP ME UP INTO THOUSANDS OF TINY COUNTRIES!?!? ANCHLUSS BAGUETTE!!!1!!1! YOU ENDED ME!!! REMOVE!!!
  • Byzantine Empire - My crusaders killed you and then gave your dead clay to kebab. Though now I regret giving you to kebab after I killed you, if I took your clay I would have lasted much longer… BUT AT LEAST I CONQUERED YOU! NOW YOU ARE MY TROPHY!

How to draw

Imperial Banner of the Holy Roman Empire

Holy Roman Empire has a drawing rating of hard.

  1. Draw a ball.
  2. Fill it with yellow.
  3. Draw a black two-headed eagle with halos surrounding its heads.
  4. Add eyes and done.

Color Name HEX
Yellow #FFCC1E
Black #070707
Red #A8121C

Color Name HEX
Upper Black Shade #333333
Lower Black Shade #332D2C
Nose Red #550000
Dark Red #850E17
Red Border #780000
Halo Beige #9C7C4B
Outer Halo #DECA9E
Middle Halo #EAD6A7
Middle-Inner Halo #F3DFAF
Inner Halo #F7E3B3
Eye Outline #2A2A2A
White #FFFFFF


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