United Kingdom

From Heterodontosaurus Balls

United Kingdom (UK), sometimes referred to as Britain, is an island country located in north-west Europe. He is a gentlemen, and his favourite thing in the whole wide world is tea. He often wears a top hat and a monocle. He could be stereotyped as barbaric too, with rotten teeth and a knife for stabbing people.

The United Kingdom is made up of three constituent countries: England, Scotland, and Wales, plus one province: Northern Ireland. UK also owns some Crown Dependencies such as Isle of Man and oversees territories such as Gibraltar.

The UK is often seen as a crumbling old man wishing to live in his past. UK used to be a global superpower, now reduced to just a continental power. But despite this, the UK still runs an organization composing of almost all his former colonies, called the Commonwealth of Nations.

History[edit | edit source]

Early Years[edit | edit source]

Great Britain and the Kingdom of Ireland signed two acts both named "An Act for the Union of Great Britain and Ireland" that came into force between 31 December 1800 and 1 January 1801, creating the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland.

Also in 1801, British naval forces defeated the Danish-Norwegian fleet at the Battle of Copenhagen in the then-ongoing Napoleonic Wars. And in 1805, in the Battle of Trafalgar, British naval forces defeated the combined French-Spanish forces, securing Britain’s dominance in the waters.

Rule, Britannia! - The Pax Britannica[edit | edit source]

In 1815, the French were finally defeated at the Battle of Waterloo, marking an end to the Napoleonic Wars. The reducing of the French influence meant that UK can and will emerge as the next world superpower. It had already colonized big parts of other continents such as Africa and America, expanding its influence greatly (see more on this on British Empire). But on Monday, 16 August of 1819, British cavalry charged into a crowd of demonstrators at St. Peter's Field in Manchester, resulting in numerous deaths and injuries during a protest for parliamentary reform.

The slave trade was abolished 1807, but it wasn’t until 1834 that slavery was dropped entirely. In 1829, Catholics got political rights and was allowed to sit in parliament. And in 1840, Penny Black, the world's first adhesive postage stamp, was issued in Britain, revolutionizing postal services.

The Mines Act of 1842 improved the working safety and conditions of people working underground in the mines. It forbids any girls or women to work in the mines, and boys have a minimum age of 10. In 1846 the British Parliament repealed the Corn Laws, which had imposed tariffs on imported grain, leading to greater free trade and economic changes. The 1848 Public Health Act was the first step to improve health services.

Meanwhile outside of mainland Britain, UK battled some small nations like Nepal and Bhutan. UK also killed the Aboriginal Australians almost to extinction.

Back in London, The Great Exhibition took place. This showcased Britain's industrial prowess and cultural achievements.

Looking at the declining Ottoman Empire, other countries thought about the Eastern Question: which of the existing powers will take control/influence the land that once belonged to the Ottomans? The Russian Empire was seeking to expand his influence to the east. To prevent this, Britain, France, and the Ottomans teamed up to fight Russia in Crimea. Religion and politics were also contributing factors to the “Crimean War”. The UK and his side came out victorious.

In British-ruled India, the native people rose up and rebelled against Britain. This event was known as the Indian Rebellion of 1857 (AKA Sepoy Mutiny). Significant lives were lost on both sides, but Britain ultimately won out. Britain also defeated and anschlussed the South African Republic, Orange Free State, and other Boer republics in the Second Boer War.

In 1867, The Second Reform Act expands voting rights in Britain, particularly to urban working-class males. The Education Act of 1870 establishes compulsory education for children aged 5 to 13 in England and Wales. The Third Reform Act further extends voting rights in Britain, particularly to agricultural workers and the urban working class.

In 1888, an unidentified serial killer nicknamed “ Jack the Ripper” terrorizes London, committing a series of very gruesome murders.

The Great War and a Greater War[edit | edit source]

In 1914, Germany attacked Belgium and Luxembourg due to a chain of events that happened which sprung up from the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand. As Germany continued on his rampage and started attacking France, UK stepped in and helped his allies to defeat Germany, Austria-Hungary and Ottoman Empire. This event was known as World War I. Germany sent the "Zimmermann telegram" to Mexico, in an attempt to make Mexico invade the United States. But Britain caught the telegram and showed it to America, dragging him into the war. Britain and his allies won in 1918, giving Germany massive debt and carving up his colonies.

In 1939, Germany rose up again. Germany was in a rampage, conquering most of Europe. UK did almost nothing about this, until France got invaded and occupied. Germany switched tactics and bombed Britain. The United Kingdom became one of the top contenders of the event, called "World War II". UK was also fighting Japan in his oversees colonies. In 1945, Germany finally surrendered, finally ending the war. Their British colonies in Southeast Asia and the South Pacific have been restored.

After the Wars[edit | edit source]

UK was broke after the war. He tried but soon gave up trying to take land in the Middle East. A new War era was looming over the horizon, a Cold War. With USA and USSR both now possessing weapons of mass destruction, Britain was no longer a true superpower. Instead of fighting costly colonial wars like before, he let his colonies go. Day by day, his empire shrunk. By 1989, as the Iron Curtain fell, UK had become a 'modern' state- advanced in technology yet retaining its culture. Even though the 1990s, as the economy became unstable, and Scotland, Northern Ireland, and Wales each received their own parliaments. At last, in 1997, Hong Kong was handed back to a now communist China. This ended the British Empire.

The New Millennium[edit | edit source]

UK was now officially involved in the Second Gulf War coalition in 2003, and he fought in Iraq, Afghanistan, and Syria between 2007 and 2015. Britain is no longer quite as powerful as it used to be (though still proving that size isn't everything). Still, after the 2005 terrorist attacks left him reeling, UK now has one of the best security systems in the world and is one of the world's most advanced nations. It now continues to rule, despite a close 2014/5 Scottish independence referendum vote.

On 24 June 2016, UK announced that they would leave European Union, as he disliked being told what to do. UK officially left on January 31, 2020 at 3:00 P.M. PST. This is known as the Brexit. Also in 2020, UK got infected by COVID-19.

Trivia[edit | edit source]

  • A third of brits drinks for than 3 cups of tea a day!
  • There is a special meatball dish in Britain called “faggot”.
  • Big Ben is not the clock, but the bell inside it. It rings every 15 minutes, and one can hear it from five miles.

The Bri'ish Accent[edit | edit source]

The stereotypical "British accent" is a term often used by non-Britons to refer to the way English is spoken in the United Kingdom. It is often used in memes as a harmless mockery against British people. Here we will explain some of the features of the British accent.

Words like "bath" and "glass" are pronounced with a long "a" (like "barth" and "glahss"). The “t” and “f” sound is usually skipped, for example: “Bottle of Water” = “bo'ohw'o'wo'er”. Note that this is all jokes and might not be 100% factual[1]

Words like "soccer ball" and "chips" are different (like "football" and "crisps").

Relations[edit | edit source]

Friends[edit | edit source]

  • Hong Kong - One of the best children I ever had. I raised him from after the Qing Dynasty began to fall apart from the opium until the dirty little commie that is the modern successor of Qing took it away from me. I spend a lot of time mourning for them and their harsh fate under China’s rule. Also, I love your beautiful milk tea, child.
  • United States of America - My rebellious son, you hated my taxes so much so you gain independence from me. But we are now good allies, I love you.
  • France - DISGUSTING FROG EATER!!! UNCIVILIZED BARBARIC CREATURE!!!!! Former rival, but we’re friends now.
  • Portugal - My oldest ally and bestest mate. Though we don't talk a lot with each other nowadays, on rare occasions, we may still get together to play a football game and drink in a pub.
  • Canada - He is the good child, loyally following the crown and always being happy to help when I need them. Unlike his rebellious brother, America, who revolted against me, he opted for independence peacefully. Sincere thanks for expelling four of Russia's spies!

Enemies[edit | edit source]

How to draw[edit | edit source]

Flag of UK
  1. Draw a ball and will it with blue.
  2. Draw a white cross like this: (--|--)
  3. Draw another white cross like this: (><)
  4. Repeat steps 2 and 3, but with fewer wide lines and in red.
  5. Draw the eyes.
  6. Draw a black top hat and you're finished!
  7. Draw a monocle and/or cane (optional)
Color Name HEX
Blue #012169
Red #C8102E
White #FFFFFF

Gallery[edit | edit source]

Notes[edit | edit source]

  1. I had heard an Irish using British accent, they don’t skip “t” letter.